As I've announced on facebook, I'm going to be an official Nielsen Household starting on June 28. You might be thinking, "Who cares?" or "What's the big deal?" But if you're thinking that, then you obviously don't know me very well because if you did, you would know or at least be able to intuit that I have ALWAYS wanted to be a Nielsen Household. It's been one of my life-long dreams, right up there with doing a Little House on the Prairie road trip (check), seeing Simon and Garfunkel in concert (check), going to a Grand Slam tennis tournament, seeing the Parthenon in Athens, and marrying my celebrity crush. So yeah, this is kind of a big deal.
For years, I've read about Nielsen ratings and have wondered who these people are who determine what we get to watch and what we don't. My assessment has generally been the same: these people are idiots. Every time one of my shows was cancelled, I would think to myself, "If I'd been a Nielsen voter, this travesty wouldn't have happened." Sigh. Had I been a Nielsen voter back in the day, I could have ensured a few more seasons of Friday Night Lights. I could have given more people a chance to get hooked on Dead Like Me or The State. And yes, I could have saved My So-Called Life.
But sadly, it was not meant to be. Like sands through the hourglass, the cruel wheel of fortune passed me by once and again. Until now.
A few weeks ago, I got a postcard in the mail, informing me that I had been chosen at random and that someone from Nielsen would be calling me. And then sure enough, a week later, I got the call. The nice Nielsen lady asked me a bunch of demographic questions and then made me laugh when she asked me things like, "Do you know what a DVR is?" and when she told me reassuring things like, "Don't feel bad if there are any days during which you don't watch any TV." My favorite comment she made, though, was this gem: "Don't feel the need to watch excessive amounts of TV--no one is asking you to watch 3 or 4 hours a day." Um, 3 or 4 hours a day?? What does she think I am--Amish?!?!
******This is the point in the blog where my mom and dad will start to shake their heads and worry about my watching TV on my couch all summer. But it's OK--I also watch TV at the gym.******
So anyway, it's your lucky week if you like any of the following TV programming: FIFA Euros 2012, Wimbledon, So You Think You Can Dance, Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, Criminal Minds reruns, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, The Next Food Network Star, True Blood, and Awkward. There may be a few other shows I'll tune in to, of course, but those are the things I'll definitely be watching or DVRing. I will probably also watch episodes of Little House on the Prairie to make sure it never goes off the air, General Hospital as a favor to my sister, and assorted TNT shows as a favor to a friend who may or may not work for Turner. You're welcome, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Alysa, and Lizzie.
I'm sure I will have a blog update after my week of service to America ends, oh so fittingly, on the 4th of July. But for now, I will sign off because I have important work to do, starting with studying the explanation booklet. In glancing at it, I noticed that one of my civic duties is to write down every channel my TV receives along with its station identification call letters. Now if I were some unfortunate soul living in a yurt without cable, that task would be no big deal, but the reality is that my beloved 58" 3D TV receives every channel known to man, or at least every network, cable, and premium channel that $217 can buy me from Comcast each month. And yes, I realize that Comcast is bleeding me dry, and even though the $217 also includes phone and internet, it's still a hefty chunk of change I pay each month to be able to watch TV. The good news is that the nice people of Nielsen, understanding the high price some of us suckers pay for television entertainment, sent me $5 to help defray my TV-watching costs of the week. So if you're doing the math, you'll see that means I'll be paying Comcast $212 next month, not $217. That's right, Comcast--who's laughing now?
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