Still Shoney After All These Years: Our Adventure in Not-So-Fine Dining, Part I

Several weeks ago, a few of my colleagues and I began reminiscing about what it meant to go out to eat at a restaurant when we were little. For most of us, dining out was something we did maybe once a week. When I said that my family used to go to Shoney's every Friday, I added that I could still remember the Hot Fudge Cake my dad and I loved, and I soon realized I was not alone in that love for the long-forgotten tiered dessert. And suddenly a plan was born: we would go eat at Shoney's to see if the Hot Fudge Cake was just as good now as it had been 30 years ago.

And then, like all best plans ever made sometimes do, it started to grow. We wouldn't just go to Shoney's, but we'd go to other restaurants from our youth that we'd outgrown. We started throwing names out there, trying to build a solid list--everything from the now-defunct Western Sizzlin' and Morrison's Cafeteria to places that still exist but that we haven't gone to in many years like Ryan's Steakhouse or Bob Evans. We even added a few "upscale" places like Red Lobster and Olive Garden. Our criteria ended up being pretty loose, but we came up with the following parameters: 1. restaurants that we haven't been to in over 15 years, 2. restaurants that include salad with their entrees, and 3. restaurants where my dad would refuse to eat because they'd gross him out.

Jenny, my sidekick in this great adventure, and I decided that our first stop would naturally have to be Shoney's, and so tonight, that's where we went. Though Shoney's was a part of my life for several years when my parents couldn't afford anything fancier, the last time I had dinner at Shoney's was probably when I was 9 or 10 years old, so I had no idea what to expect. What I can tell you is that walking into the Shoney's was like going back in time to a land of naugahyde booths and well-stocked salad bars.



We were seated by a very nice host in a less-than-ideal booth, right by the kitchen. Had we been in any of the restaurants I normally go to, I would have asked to be seated elsewhere because my feeling is that if I'm going to pay $25+ for an entree, I have a right to ask not to be seated near the bathroom or the kitchen. But when in Shoney's, I figured, you do as the Shoneyans do and sit wherever they tell you to. I was just trying to blend.


I'm not gonna lie--we were blending pretty well because when our waitress took our drink orders, she asked, "Are you ready to order?" without having given us time to even open our menus, a question which suggested she thought we were regulars. Now, Jenny and I had already pre-planned our meals, but we didn't want to seem overzealous, so we asked for a few minutes. We then spent those few minutes taking surreptitious photos documenting the fact that WE WERE IN SHONEY'S.



Then we ordered. Jenny ordered the Great American Burger, and I ordered the Italian Feast (baked spaghetti with grilled chicken). My entree came with a salad bar, of course, so I got up--after giving Jenny my purse for safekeeping because I think I was unfairly stereotyping Shoney's as someplace where I might actually have my purse stolen. Idk. It wasn't my finest 15 seconds--and approached the bar.

And this is the point in the tale where the blending ended. Entering the salad bar area of the restaurant, I was like a stranger in a strange land. First of all, the salad bar was kind of hard to navigate because the first thing I saw on the bar was fried chicken, like not cut up into little pieces to put on top of a salad but like legit fried chicken. Then I saw foods like macaroni and cheese, collard greens, chicken and dumplings, and mashed potatoes. I was confused. Were these foods part of my dinner salad, or were they not included? There were no signs. To make matters worse, I didn't quite understand the layout of the salad bar. It's basically two long bars with a median aisle between them which I thought was a convenient way to avoid having to reach for things. It was only when the busboy kindly but pointedly told me that the median was off-limits to diners that I understood my faux pas. The salad bar was way too stressful, and I didn't even eat my salad because I remembered too late that I hate iceberg lettuce. Live and learn.

The second low point of the evening came when our entrees arrived minus the little American flag on Jenny's Great American Burger which was kind of the whole reason she'd ordered the burger in the first place. We asked our server for a flag, but apparently Shoney's was out of tiny American flags (?!?!).



Despite the lack of patriotic burger accoutrements, I'm happy to report that Jenny enjoyed her burger and steak fries very much; the burger has been upgraded over the last 30 years because it looked and tasted like a burger you'd eat at a much more expensive restaurant.

My Italian feast was, honestly, delicious. I ate every last bite of it. It was well seasoned, had just the right amount of melted cheese on it that had crusted on the edges like a lasagna, and came with some very good garlic bread.

 

Of course, then came the big moment: ordering the World Famous Hot Fudge Cake. For some crazy reason, Jenny asked if I wanted to share. Um, I did not. So we each ordered our own, and we're glad we did because it was too good to eat only half of one. Eating that cake was glorious. It tasted EXACTLY the way it did when I was a kid. It's the perfect blend of warm chocolate cake, cold vanilla ice cream, and decadent hot fudge sauce that mixes perfectly with the whipped cream on top.



When our waitress brought our bills, we put our credit cards on the table and just sat there gushing over how good our entire meal had been (included salad bar not included). And we sat there...and sat there...until we realized that our waitress was not coming to get our cards and that at Shoney's you pay at the cash register. So that was different. Again, live and learn.

Incidentally, here's a fun fact for anyone like us who hasn't been to Shoney's in a long time: you can play the claw game after you pay at the cash register.



And another fun fact: some people arrive at Shoney's in style:



Well, that about does it for my first blog post for the summer. Our next stop is likely the Golden Corral, so if any of you locals out there want to join us for Sunday Supper, let me know--the more, the merrier!